Day 16: Testing a New 1% Feel-Better Strategy

Hi gang, this is Stephanie.

I really hit the wall over the weekend. I've been working so hard and my brain was so fatigued that I could barely think. Plus I was doing a lot of computer work and my shoulders ached. I caught myself eating unconsciously and feeling ravenous cravings for carbs. I was emotionally upset, very sad, feeling kind of hopeless.

On Saturday I woke up and there was a moment of clarity: "It's my brain chemistry!" I was tired and my brain was doing everything to help me "medicate" the problem.

No wonder I had been feeling so out of control.

I decided to take back control by becoming more aware of my physical needs and addressing them. I asked a few questions, like: What am I doing that's not actually working to improve the situation? (Answer: drinking cup after cup of coffee.)

And then I came up with the question that was more useful: How could I feel just 1% better right now? All day long I was coming up with responses that I had enough energy to implement: drink a glass of water, stretch on my blue exercise ball, eat some vegetables (I cooked some ratatouille), take a walk in the sunshine for ten minutes, do three deep full-lung capacity breaths, give myself a scalp run, and more. It helped to know I could respond and feel better.

Sunday, I never turned on the computer once. I also felt better from that. I got into bed and went to sleep early. So I woke up still tired, but sharper. Meaning, if I keep using the 1% rule strategy maybe tomorrow I'll feel better still than today.

If this is useful for anyone else, please take it. For myself, I'm still not all there mentally and physically, but it's better than the alternative. I'm switching out the caffeine for more water and walks in the sun. Thankfully, it's working.

As tired as I am I'm committed to loving myself better. I just have to learn how.

Coming Undone..... Day 10

Is it possible to completely feel as if you are coming undone and carry on with your day? 

Yes... is my  answer. Somedays the raw pain of my life situation completely takes over in moments of heaving sobs. As I leave the gym, sit in my car and cry under my shades, I drive to the dry cleaners. I wipe my face as the tears stream down and pick up my dry cleaning ( my husbands shirts ) and get back in the car and I remember to pick up my boots long since left at the cobler when I moved in May.  My beautiful treasured Italian boots, that make me feel totally put together when I wear them, have been donated. They are not responsible for items left over 30 days . I am in shock and all the sadness and confusion I felt earlier comes pounding down on me, leaving me breathless as I sob my way through town. I am an open wound of "why me!!!!" How is this all happening. My life is not supposed to go this way - who is in charge here!!!!

The whole world sometimes feels as it is falling apart and even as the sun shines outside and the breeze blows I am in a daze of... how did I get here from there?

I ask myself after I allow the emotion to be released all over me, I sit and say "now what?" I am not going to cover up or get rid of this feeling of raw despair, I am going to use it to connect, to pay attention, for I am reponsible for my life. If I am distracted and do not pick up my shoes I lose them. 

Somewhere in me I still trust that the Universe is a loving place and there is a God... A Life Force that I can surrender and turn over all the pain and regret to. Today, Now,.... I will not turn my pain on to myself by covering it up or pretending all is fine. I will not put something in my body that will temporarilly erase the feelings. I will cry some more while I sort the laundry, answer emails, call photographers and agents, wrap my daughter's birthday presents and pay some bills. Ever so slowly ever so gently I will love myself by being true to the moment. 

I sit and I gently love myself staying small and close to the me that is like a baby sweet and new. I make a cup of tea with honey and say my prayer.....

Today is the day that I begin!

I commit to Myself. I commit to living the highest ideal for the truth and honor in the search for the core of my being.
Today I begin with my commitment to be present-one moment at a time.
Today I am aware one moment at a time.
Today the ' I ' that is full of alive,positive energy takes the lead in my life and I let go of my thinking mind that is based in fear and paralyzes me in moving forward in my life.
Today I take this pledge and gently do my best.
Today I am full of love for myself- my body,my heart, my mind.
Today I am joyous.Today I Breakaway and begin anew. 

I hold on to - Today I gently do my best. 

I am reminded that difficulties are a stepping stone to a greater experience and if I am to create a new life story for myself I must be open and step out of my comfort zone. I feel like running but I will sit with my tea and smile at my heart and my child inside _ "I love you I say, I love you......"

Namaste,
Natalie

Opening Our Heart to Ourselves and the Voice......

I asked some amazing women to join this journey with me.
100 Days of Living From Spirit!
100 Days of Feeding your Soul and Losing the Weight! (click here) STEP ONE 
As with every new idea and every new adventure, we went through a process of saying yes to ourselves. Everyone had valid points- 

"YES I do want to do it.... :)))
immediate issues:  I need to find time to read all you have sent, I need to get into a place where I feel spiritual, I need to learn how to meditate!!!!"

" I don't want to weigh myself", "I am a flake and I have so much going on"," I don't understand ".

 I myself am riddled with fear that I will be unable to go to completion. 

This is the Voice of Resistance and our Ego Voices ( name it what you would like ) Chatter, Chatter I hear in my head, all the reasons why not to truly spend some time with myself and learn to love; accept who I am.

 Here is how I work with my Chatter - " well thank you very much for sharing" I say" but I am choosing to go this way... that feels good to me" " I am going to move out and away from my limitations and my old view of who I am ". "Thinking about the possibilities of commiting to me kind of excites me and I want to explore what that feels like". 

 Yes, I have a conversation. Luckily not out loud!

I always acknowledge but firmly decide to go towards the positive Voice that is dying to come out . Sometimes I look at the words in my head and if they come from a negative place (or have a negative feeling) I ver off on another path . The Voice and Chatter is a reminder that I am in fear at times and I am grateful for the awareness that I need to make another choice here.

Last night we had a raging storm, thundering and lighting outside and at 10pm I was not ready to sleep (my preferred bedtime). After my meditation I decide to watch some TV and as I reclined all cozy on the couch, thoughts came into my head - It would be nice to have a cookie now or hmm a spoon of peanut butter is healthy - what do I feel for .... on and on - I focused on the show and somewhere said to myself let's wait out this feeling for a snack - you are going to sleep in half an hour, does your body need food right now. I even asked myself "what feelings am I avoiding". "What is the need that I want to full fill ". I had a good dinner and I was not hungry. I just sat with it -the longing , the need for distraction. I sat with it .....and it went away or I forgot or I got caught up in what I was watching. MY motivation was "what will make you feel proud about you - will this honour me?". 

So that is the question - "Will This Honour Me?"

How Will You Honour Yourself Today ?

flying free

Namaste,

Natalie 

 Please view the comments on STEP ONE as they are inspiring
and connect us to each other.

  

 

STEP ONE

STEP 1

100 Days of Living From Spirit!

100 Days of Feeding your Soul and Losing the Weight!

Being in the Flow

Well, here we go ! Fall is just ahead of us and it is time to start the process of evolving beyond your limitations and be free from regret and negative self talk.
We are changing our focus to loving ourselves completely from the inside out revealing our own true magnificence.
Take a leap and join the journey - it is going to be a joyful and expansive Experience.

I hope you have spent some time, thinking about this journey if you have been following my blog, if you haven't no worries you can start now!- please see the First Step Below.

I am committing to this for 100 days. I would like us to all start together !
Monday The 26th of September We Begin for 100 Days

From one Seed

Now you know there is never a 'right ' time - I currently am recovering from a nasty cold and I have a stye in my eye, planning a 6 year old birthday party and my husbands 50 th Bash, Launching an Eco Garden for my children's Elementary school which is added to the motherly, wifely duties and an infomercial shoot next week - This is our crazed life !! I feel your angst as you go through yours . THAT IS WHY YOU HAVE TO COMMIT, AS I DO (THOSE WHO KNOW ME FOR A LONG TIME KNOW MY STRUGGLE WITH COMMITMENT) The difference is feeding your soul as you live your life -
LIVING FROM SPIRIT!
I want to hear the struggle - all the gory details!
Get another friend on board if it helps or find your way with us!!
 
Changing our thinking about how we lose weight starts with gentle exploration of our inner life as our bodies are a reflection of our own thoughts.
 " With our Thoughts we Create the World"


First off please only decide to participate if this really speaks to you from a gut place inside.

This will be your own personal journey. We will be sharing our experience together but ultimately it is your own unique process of discovery.
The focus for yourself is to honour your spirit and your body which will lead to you achieving the weight loss.

Here is the First Step-
Setting an Intention and Creating A Daily Prayer/Statement.

1. Decide what weight you want to be and how much you want to lose.
This process should be joyful and inspiring. You should become excited and committed to the possibilities with all your emotional and spiritual self.
 Weigh yourself. No Judgement. Give the number no power- move forward- Next.....
Get quiet,... in  a place in your home where and when you will not be disturbed - take the time and close your eyes envisioning the you that feels free ,unencumbered.
Choose a number.
Do not use this time to beat up on yourself and allow your ego to gain control or power over this process. This will waste your time and slow down your desires.
The love and excitement will come from your commitment to take care of yourself.
Create a ceremony (light a candle call on your guides) and write down your feelings about what it will mean to lose this weight in your life. How it will affect you .
I don't mean about fitting in to clothes , more about what the weight represents to you now - how it comforts you or makes you feel safe. How the weight creates a separation from others or prevents you from living the life you see for yourself.
How will losing this weight transform your sense of self. Maybe it really is not about your weight and you can be quite happy where you are in your body . (There will also be a step where you have to accept your body as it is right now , for that is how you can move forward)

Be very clear as you write about the transformation you are about to enter - see and feel the outcome clearly.

Write a prayer or statement that you will read to yourself everyday.
(Mine is the Today prayer on my home page of my web site and my first blog entry)
This is your centering/daily statement of purpose.

Life is not stagnant and we are beings full of ambiguity and complications- and greatness!
However, all this has to be about is taking a step forward away from the stagnant view you have had about who you are and how you love yourself.
 This is about celebrating the whole you in it's splendor and yes even as you are now.
 You are a gift to the world and you deserve to live your life with joy !

Read - A year in the Making- http://feedyoursoulloosetheweight.blogspot.com/2011/06/year-in-making.html

Post a comment or you can start your own blog and I will be a follower.

We will take it  a step at a time. I will post a step a week or more as needed- You will be my guide--
Commitment and Intention is first.
I have lost 6lbs and have been living a very non dietary life.
I do not feel deprived. 

Namaste,

Natalie

I'm Ready, Natalie!

Your invitation couldn't have come at a better time for me. My athletic, relaxed, beautiful, playful inner spirit wants to come out of me and be seen again. Thank you for including me on this 100-day adventure of self-discovery.

Meditaiton and Motivation.......

Two Saturday's ago I took a half day meditation course at our local Buddhist Centre here in Sarasota-Kadampa Meditation Center Florida http://www.meditationinsarasota.org/
The Art of Meditation was the title. I have always meditated over the years but as I looked back my meditation experiences have mostly been guided in a classroom setting or on yoga or self improvement retreats. I wanted to learn a methodology as I have committed to meditating on my own on this journey of feeding my soul.

This is what I see as I look ahead - giant gold Buddhas behind glass.

I walked into the centre alone and the peace and anticipation I felt left me drooling ! Three and a half hours to myself - Alleluiah!

I love having a 'How to Guide'. I wish I had one for my life and my greatest challenge has always been to rely on my own inner guidance. This is what I am hoping meditation will connect me to, that Natalie voice of higher consciousness that will create a certainty in my choices and directions as I move through my life. 

Woa... hold on there lassie , one step at a time.

As I learn there are preparations for meditation as I sit in my chair right upfront (eager student that I am ). Giant gold Buddha's behind glass infront of me and our very own Buddhist Female Monk to teach us.

She is gentle,soft spoken and loving in her approach and I listen, take notes and soak it all up (secret wishes of wanting to live here fill my smiling head) This is what makes me happy taking care of my spirit and learning how to...

The greatest lesson is that like a piece of art Meditation is a work in progress: a creation . There are no perfect conditions. We must be flexible about our space and our process 

Preparations for Meditation..

1. Cleaning Meditation Room/Creating an Altar 

Inspiration

Part of My Altar

Have a clean clear environment. Check - I have had an altar  and a special space on the side of my bed for a couple of years now. Due to inconsistent use however paperwork and books seem to pile up around it . Basically the energy needs to flow so we must create a clean ,clutter free environment/space. This I believe is true for the whole home, easier said than done. As a mother there are some days I never sit down -all I do is walk around the house putting things away!!

Back to Meditation- we clean our room to invite Holy Beings and then the mind becomes clear and negative thoughts are removed with the dust and clutter. 

Even this cleaning can be a purposeful meditation . Out with the bad energy in with the new. (Just like Meditative Breathing) We must clean with spiritual motivation. Clearing our mind as we sweep and vaccum the dust and cobwebs. Think of an obstacle and act out it's removal from your life by cleaning the space. Next time I scrape dishes off  before putting in the dishwasher I will choose an obstacle to work on.

3.
Meditation Posture-
Sit cross legged . this helps reduce feelings of detachment. Top of foot rest on each thigh.
Back straight -energy flows freely and helps create a clean mind.
Hands in 'Mudra'-right hand rests on our lap thumbs touching symbolizes union of compassion.
Mouth-tongue on the roof of mouth behind teeth which prevents excess salivation.
Head-tipped slightly forward
Eyes- half open or gently closed

Shoulders-level

Breathing in preparation to clear the mind.

So now I know what to strive for.

My greatest lesson however is that my Motivation and Reasons for Meditation should come from feelings of joy!

Always think of the benefits or the joy we will experience. I should feel inspired to meditate.

Yet this is not always how it goes for me- I must focus on the peace I will feel.

What has struck me during my class is this is the same feeling I need to have as I embark on my weight loss journey. As I exercise and eat, the feelings of joy need to be present . Now when I say the word need it feels forced - there is a pressure behind that idea of NEED. The difference with JOY is that there is lightness of being and it is effortless!
For me to feel JOY I have to focus on the outcome which is also feeling based -LIGHTNESS IN MY BODY, HEALTH, EASE OF MOVEMENT, AND DARE I SAY IT LOOKING MY BEST SELF (this is not a perfect self but the best of YOU). All of these ideas create a feeling of joy within me.

Back to the MEDITATION MOTIVATION - meditation is to be in the category of enjoyment, rejuvenation, relaxation, leaving me inspired.
Here is the outcome for my meditation-
Overcome inner problems/ allows me to use my mind rather than my mind using me/ creates intentions for virtuous action.
Now this is what I want to hear and connect with when I meditate- THE VOICE OF THE INFINITE- MY OWN INTUITION !!-now is that too much to ask ? If I familiarize my mind with a virtuous object that makes me happy and allows peaceful feelings to arise-
Meditation should give relief from inner pains.

I believe that our behavior is dictated by our mind-
A negative mind leads us and drags us down. 
With meditation positivity increases through our wisdom, which is our connection to our higher self .
Positive effects-
Feelings of peace and happiness-
Experiencing Inner Peace-
the still mind creates a well being to help us cope with the business of our daily lives.

So all in all it is a beneficial endeavour and I will choose each time to focus on the benefits and outcome and this is the same as I practice mindful eating and choose to move my body.

In the words of McFadden and Whitehead.-

 " Ain't No Stopping Us Now , Were On The Move !!!"

Gettting Excited!!
Namaste,


Natalie

Finding My Wisdom Mind........

"We want to be perfect, but we just keep seeing our imperfections,and there is no room to get away from that, no exit, nowhere to run. That is when this sword turns into a flower. We stick with what we see,we feel what we feel, and from that we begin to connect with our own wisdom mind."
by Pema Chodron in When Things Fall Apart


I read this and I am comforted yet frustrated that I cannot access my wisdom mind or my intuition. I know that my own inner guidance is there yet it seems so hard to access. 
On this journey of awareness - I keep track and I am on target with my food and my exercise. It is not perfect everyday and I allow myself the grievances with compassion for my imperfect self and my journey, yet how much feeling and sitting with feelings must I do as my days keep surprising me. 
For the one constant of my life is always the surprising upsets of my daily balance in the peace of my heart. I am shaken by my life -my children get sick, I don't get the job I want or I lose something or someone precious to me. I crumble and allow the feelings without having them take over and be full of drama. Yet the quiet does not illuminate my inner knowingness . That is what I am promised .... Where are you Wisdom Mind.... I am waiting and listening.....  


183 lbs down from 188 - slow and steady.


I see where I am going but am afraid what will it mean and who will I be if not a plus size model and woman...... I am ready for a new experience.. :)

Namaste,
 Natalie