The one clear thing right now that I have noticed in this process is that I can make a choice as my awareness becomes more clear.
Yesterday I had a fight with my brother. Well there was an exchange and I felt angry after he left and I found myself opening the fridge door and looking inside. It was very clear to me that in that moment I wanted to escape the feelings I was having . In my meditation study this is called the middle way - no reference point , not making things good or bad. Can I just allow myself to have the feelings without judgement?
Now I know all this stuff and I am still astonished at how easy it is for me to fall into the old patterns . How often do I do this when I am not paying attention? I go and meditate immediately. Luckily I was home, aware and had the time to spend on myself. This time I made a choice that honors my being and invites me into the direction of spirit.
Today my choice was conscious but defiant and escapist.
I had my face lasered with Elos Laser/Syneron today in preparation for a photo shoot coming up. In the summer my malasma ( dark band of spots above my jaw line always darken in the Florida sun , no matter how much sunscreen I put on) . This is all so boring as I wish I did not have to bother with such things but alas the life of a model. So off I go to be lasered and the process is painful . My face feels as if it is being stung/ cynged bit by bit and with each zap I wince in pain . Leaving the office I high tail it to the pharmacy for some heavy duty sunscreen and I am in pain. It is a very uncomfortable feeling to have a burnt face, for that is what it feels like .
Back to my choice , I see a jalapeno bag of cheetos at the check out, pick it up look at the calories and decide to buy it . I actually think about it and weigh up the negatives of eating such a food on my current quest - Losing weight . I buy them, and scoff them down in the car ( now this is my favourite and pretty much only junk food I eat).
Was it so hard for me to stay with the pain, albeit physical? I used the cheetos to redirect my attention.
The saving grace is that I was aware at the time and I know as I go through my day I can make better food choices to counteract the effects of the bad calories .
Each moment is new and I may make another choice for my future that will inline with my goals. The question is can I focus more on what I want and deal with being uncomfortable ????
Namaste,
Natalie
Yesterday I had a fight with my brother. Well there was an exchange and I felt angry after he left and I found myself opening the fridge door and looking inside. It was very clear to me that in that moment I wanted to escape the feelings I was having . In my meditation study this is called the middle way - no reference point , not making things good or bad. Can I just allow myself to have the feelings without judgement?
Now I know all this stuff and I am still astonished at how easy it is for me to fall into the old patterns . How often do I do this when I am not paying attention? I go and meditate immediately. Luckily I was home, aware and had the time to spend on myself. This time I made a choice that honors my being and invites me into the direction of spirit.
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| Just to keep me smiling and to remind me of the wonder of the Universe- thank you Dolfin! |
I had my face lasered with Elos Laser/Syneron today in preparation for a photo shoot coming up. In the summer my malasma ( dark band of spots above my jaw line always darken in the Florida sun , no matter how much sunscreen I put on) . This is all so boring as I wish I did not have to bother with such things but alas the life of a model. So off I go to be lasered and the process is painful . My face feels as if it is being stung/ cynged bit by bit and with each zap I wince in pain . Leaving the office I high tail it to the pharmacy for some heavy duty sunscreen and I am in pain. It is a very uncomfortable feeling to have a burnt face, for that is what it feels like .
Back to my choice , I see a jalapeno bag of cheetos at the check out, pick it up look at the calories and decide to buy it . I actually think about it and weigh up the negatives of eating such a food on my current quest - Losing weight . I buy them, and scoff them down in the car ( now this is my favourite and pretty much only junk food I eat).
Was it so hard for me to stay with the pain, albeit physical? I used the cheetos to redirect my attention.
The saving grace is that I was aware at the time and I know as I go through my day I can make better food choices to counteract the effects of the bad calories .
Each moment is new and I may make another choice for my future that will inline with my goals. The question is can I focus more on what I want and deal with being uncomfortable ????
Namaste,
Natalie
