Choosing My Life Today...Allowing the Connection to Thy Delicate Self

Allowing the Connection to Thy Delicate Self
January 15th 2014

This morning proved to unravel in a way that left me feeling incompetent in being a Mom and House/Family Manager. It just felt all overwhelming - so many tasks that need to get done in a short space of time..... Make sure the kids are up and getting dressed - 2 different type of lunches and snacks to be made, breakfast, last minute book order and then I need to be somewhat presentable to leave the house. At least change my pajamas - time, time, must leave now!!! Ok, I know I seem to be kvetching a bit - we all do this dance every morning on some level. Some mornings are executed beautifully and others are off kilter but I am the leader of the band and if I am off kilter it all goes awry, especially for me. I ride home on my bike after they are tucked into their classrooms and breathe and feel the not good enough music plying in my mind and slowly engulfing my body. My mind rationalizes - NO! Turn off that music and then the me that is full of love and knowing says YES! Feel that uncomfortable, icky stuff. I cry, wishing I could release the thoughts with the emotion to another soul but we are all on our day filled with the tasks of life and I too must get on with mine. This is how I find my way.......and sit her smiling,connected and feeling tender but powerful.

I look at the sky and think what is it that I need to do now to give to myself. I pick up my hand trowel left on the side of my house and plant some broccoli starts a friend gave to me 3 days ago and weed and water. No longer feeling overwhelmed or insignificant in my life. The day begins with connecting to my delicate, soft self and allowing love and compassion to reign. Yes it does take conscious effort to connect to those feelings and allow them to surface, to recognize that once released you can move through them and have a day of truth.
Choosing my life today!

With Compassion,
Natalie

Lets Rewire The Way We See Our World

Blog - January 13th 2014

 Lets Rewire the Way we see our World

The brain is a funny thing and today I am going to be in charge of it for a second - again I am choosing to let go of my “stories” whether I made them up or I feel they have been created for me by my life experience. Today it is my choice, my thinking, my doing.

That being said, this morning as a mom I was tested and exercised every ounce of patience I possessed in my being. My daughter this Monday could not, would not get out of bed and without fail it was her lack of sleep over the weekend. Saturday sleep over and Sunday family dinner - 2 late nights for an 8 year old - as simple as that; a lack of sleep leading to tears and a difficult start to the day. We learn together- take care of your body to be prepared for the day, the week, the month, the year. I too had too much caffeine Sunday -- Ahh elusive sleep.... As I must teach my daughter the consequences of our choices and take the responsibility as her Mom for her state of being. I have to be gentle and compassionate and realize we all operate best when we keep our lives simple. I can get caught up in the story of the sometimes overwhelming responsibility I feel of being a mother or just get on with it as I told my daughter as we finally got on our bikes to ride to school  "just start pedaling and you will feel better". We can let our mind run away and then the emotions start a party or just start pedaling....

I make the choices each day as I must take responsibility. Simple, Small, Breathe ...easy steps today. Give love, feel love.

With compassion,
Natalie

Starting Fresh - Without Limitation---

Blog January 10th 2014.

Starting Fresh - Without Limitation---

What is it about the New Year that gives you that feeling that anything is possible and you can and WILL accomplish your wildest dreams. The energy in your body is palpable and the ideas keep coming as you feel there is nothing that will hold you back from moving forward with ease and actually achieving the goals/intentions/desires that flow through your mind and give you sensations of excitement in your body!

What if you could harness that feeling all year long, at anytime? I am always amazed at how joyful I feel at the start of a New Year. It is the knowing of a clean slate. Everything in your being tells you “YOU CAN DO IT!” You not only believe it, but you see the end result happen with a sense of ease. Somehow we give our selves permission to let go of all the negative thoughts that generally hold us back in our daily doing. Our commitment to our self slowly slips away and despair and worry seeps in to our existence weighing us down. Well if it is as easy as just having a new start to generate ‘possibility joy’ how about we just make the decision to do it. We use our minds to generate that “FRESH START” feeling.

I am going to start by accessing the feeling of excitement that I have in me now as I set my intention and know that I am creating a whole new world for myself - A new attitude that I can recall when I need it. Oh! I feel it ! As if I am floating in water completely supported by EVERYTHING. The UNIVERSE is saying “go ahead”, “you can do it”, “you  can have it all”.

This year I am going to let go of all the shoulda , woulda , coulda and move forward in my life with joyful ease. It will be about making decisions and choices each day as I tell my mind how to think or let go of thoughts and access my inner knowing. The voice that taps you on the shoulder every New Year and says “remember me... in here” - “I AM THE REAL YOU “ “ THE YOU THAT CAN LIVE THE LIFE YOU WANT  AND NOW IS THE TIME”.
With excitement of what is possible this year,
Natalie Laughlin Tanner

"Thawing the access to my true self"

The Old is New Again.....Finding My Way Forward

England 2012 On the train to London today to visit Hughes agency . I worked with Cheryl Hughes 20 years ago in London, they were the only plus agency at the time. Remembering now Cheryl booked me on my first if job with H&M in Stockholm, those photos started my career. It' s very exciting to think that I could possibly work here again. London is one of my favorite cities in the world and I feel so comfortable here yet on my toes as all is different than my world . Amazing how just being in a different country frees you up to uncover parts of yourself you have forgotten. Passing Stratford now where the Olympic park is seeing the stadium and tall red torch tower ( well that is what I think it is ) . It is an exciting time to be here with the Queens Jubilee just celebrated, the European football cup on ( sorry Brits, lost in overtime penalty kicks to Italy) and Olympic fever in the air. Union jack flags are everywhere and on everyone. Definitely picking up a towel and some t's. Ahhhh shopping in London can I resist ? I think not, luckily there are summer sales! Oxford street here I come. There is nothing like arriving into Liverpool street station and walking out into the open grandeur of an old train station,bustling as the sun streams in sheets of light through the clear glass roof as it has for hundreds of years. Now down, down into the the underground ; the steepest escalators ever and the future is exposed as hundreds of tv screens along the walls change in unison as you glide into the tubes of the underground . Soothing female English announcements tell you the trains route and it all feels very civilized . The old and new worlds existing together seamlessly: that is London. Did I say how happy I am , I am so happy to be here.! Must have had a past life in London! I guess it might have been a good one . Namaste, Natalie P.S . I have pics but cannot upload from my iPad ? Me and technology ?

Getting Cocky.....Getting Off Track.....Recommitting to The Life I Want...

Getting cocky - Blog April 13 th How often will I revisit the knowing I know - as they say in OA : it works if you work it! Once again I have found my self coming back to the start. I ask my self ,"is it the getting close to a goal that relaxes oneself into casual loss of focus and commitment , or is it that I needed a break, or even further, somewhere in my mind the importance the focus on my self feels inconsequential. ." Here is the deal in a nut shell. I decided that I was going to reach a goal of 170 lbs for myself and be motivated by the attention to my spiritual self - stepping out and becoming aware of the ever present ego. I do believe that my lifelong issues with my weight and food are my path to my god self and I was going to explore that. Now of course I made choices such as eating for health and exercise as part of the endeavor to honor my being. My focus was going to be spirit first without the constant diet deprivation that has plagued most of my life . I had great success and the ease at times amazed me, but, yes but, it is a dance, as in any search for balance in life. There I was 173 lbs down from 188 and feeling like " I got this". Slowly I stopped blogging and that voice that comes in on those quiet moments to share was swiped away by feelings of" Hey I know what I am doing - one pack of Cheetos is not going to change anything". Well for one my weight crept back up to 178 , but more than that I stopped meditating and and my life began to feel like it was running away from me. The space I created for my self focus lost it' s importance or it's very place. As a mother of a 6 and 8 year old my focus is divided into so many directions and I know that only by going within can I have sanity in my life. I want my attention to meditation to be motivated through joy and yet without commitment to the doing of it I can talk myself out of sitting still with my thoughts. Be- Do- Have...... .? A friend told me the other day that even though I say I want a simple life she thinks I like the stimulation or jazzy jolt I get from constantly being on the go. She said I may want the zen inside me but really like the drama around me. I have good friends - Looking at this I see the pattern . Do I do as I say I want ? I am recommitting to myself today......again, with humor and love or should I say humility and compassion. How would my life be if I got everything I said I wanted?

Neat and Tidy All The Time........

Ok - I know we all do this - We all feel this way - The moment uncomfortable feelings come up all we want to do is to have them gone - back to that nice comfy place of 'Everything is all right' - IT IS TOUGH BEING A GROWN UP !

Life is in constant motion and what we can count on most of the time is that there will be hiccups along the way - things happening not as planned. Even if that is not what happens there are our ever changing feelings/moods triggered by mysterious events - the moon, hormones, relationships, weather, looking in the mirror, driving in our cars, thinking about the past - at any given moment - we can be taken there - to that not so right place and if we are not strong or aware at the time all we want to do is find a way to erase it.
 That for me is my WHOA - HOLD ON SISTER- let's take a moment here. Sometimes it is not the having to analyze the feeling of why I am in avoidance . Who has time for the analysis all the time!

Today I just thru my hands up and said to myself - sometimes it is not peachy and sometimes I will feel uncomfortable. The key for my well being is... how easy is it for me to sit with that Icky place. THAT IS WHAT I MUST WORK TOWARDS- Just settle into it like stepping your toes in dog pooh and going "okay not so nice but I am not going to die here .... Am I."

We are all so busy working to living our perfect lives - getting it right and having it all wrapped up in a pretty package we forget that we are indeed human and being uncomfortable is just part of our life.

if I can only get this I think I can feel happy -SEE ,SEE !!Just as I said we want it our life experience to be 'Neat and Tidy'.




There will be days/moments of joy and then there will be days of stepping in POOH, and in between I will find ways to satisfy my dissatisfaction by stepping into my now moment or just have a good cry. I will find a way to be present in my life.......the story is unfolding and it will not be neat and tidy ?? Or will it?

Namaste,

Natalie

Natalie Laughlin: Can We Love Ourselves Enough To No Longer Want To Be Like Anyone But Who We Are?

Natalie Laughlin: Can We Love Ourselves Enough To No Longer Want To Be Like Anyone But Who We Are?

Once again we as full figured women are at the forefront of the world stage thanks to the risks being taken by Plus Model Magazine and editor Madeline Figueroa - Jones. Women and the mainstream fashion industry continue to clash as models appear to be getting thinner and present a more unrealistic image for girls and women.
Congratulations Plus Model Magazine - plus-model-mag.com on having the courage to bring the conversation into our awareness again. This is not new and I am frustrated that we as women have not gone beyond the physical to address this issue of our bodies.
What I struggle with is how do we make lasting change-
I believe it starts when WE truly accept our bodies each day with gratitude.
Honouring ourselves for our highest good takes a relentless ongoing inward focus that reveals itself outwardly in our form. Can we love ourselves enough to no longer want to be like anyone but who we are?
Here is the link to the Video with Diane Sawyer
abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2012/01/most-models-meet-criteria-for-anorexia-size-6-is-plus-size-magazine/
As a mother to a girl I want her to feel gratitude for her body and how it carries her through the world, yet know that in that 'gratitude' she honours her body by feeding it nourishing food and moving it in ways that bring her joy. The goal is not to look like what she sees around her but to feel confident as herself -the focus needs to be pleasing oneself.
Often this image of oneself can be distorted by the outside world and we as human beings like to feel connected to others. The key is how do we know when to make the choice to recognize that we do not all look alike and it is our unique rythm that makes us beautiful. Our beauty identity needs to come from us and it is in loving ourselves we appreciate/accept/love what we see in the mirror.
It takes awarness of self and courage to have confidence.
I would love to know how you see yourself in the world.
Natalie Laughlin