Is it possible to completely feel as if you are coming undone and carry on with your day?
Yes... is my answer. Somedays the raw pain of my life situation completely takes over in moments of heaving sobs. As I leave the gym, sit in my car and cry under my shades, I drive to the dry cleaners. I wipe my face as the tears stream down and pick up my dry cleaning ( my husbands shirts ) and get back in the car and I remember to pick up my boots long since left at the cobler when I moved in May. My beautiful treasured Italian boots, that make me feel totally put together when I wear them, have been donated. They are not responsible for items left over 30 days . I am in shock and all the sadness and confusion I felt earlier comes pounding down on me, leaving me breathless as I sob my way through town. I am an open wound of "why me!!!!" How is this all happening. My life is not supposed to go this way - who is in charge here!!!!
The whole world sometimes feels as it is falling apart and even as the sun shines outside and the breeze blows I am in a daze of... how did I get here from there?
I ask myself after I allow the emotion to be released all over me, I sit and say "now what?" I am not going to cover up or get rid of this feeling of raw despair, I am going to use it to connect, to pay attention, for I am reponsible for my life. If I am distracted and do not pick up my shoes I lose them.
Somewhere in me I still trust that the Universe is a loving place and there is a God... A Life Force that I can surrender and turn over all the pain and regret to. Today, Now,.... I will not turn my pain on to myself by covering it up or pretending all is fine. I will not put something in my body that will temporarilly erase the feelings. I will cry some more while I sort the laundry, answer emails, call photographers and agents, wrap my daughter's birthday presents and pay some bills. Ever so slowly ever so gently I will love myself by being true to the moment.
I sit and I gently love myself staying small and close to the me that is like a baby sweet and new. I make a cup of tea with honey and say my prayer.....
Today I begin with my commitment to be present-one moment at a time.
Today I am aware one moment at a time.
Today the ' I ' that is full of alive,positive energy takes the lead in my life and I let go of my thinking mind that is based in fear and paralyzes me in moving forward in my life.
Today I take this pledge and gently do my best.
Today I am full of love for myself- my body,my heart, my mind.
Today I am joyous.Today I Breakaway and begin anew.
I hold on to - Today I gently do my best.
I am reminded that difficulties are a stepping stone to a greater experience and if I am to create a new life story for myself I must be open and step out of my comfort zone. I feel like running but I will sit with my tea and smile at my heart and my child inside _ "I love you I say, I love you......"
Namaste,
Natalie
Yes... is my answer. Somedays the raw pain of my life situation completely takes over in moments of heaving sobs. As I leave the gym, sit in my car and cry under my shades, I drive to the dry cleaners. I wipe my face as the tears stream down and pick up my dry cleaning ( my husbands shirts ) and get back in the car and I remember to pick up my boots long since left at the cobler when I moved in May. My beautiful treasured Italian boots, that make me feel totally put together when I wear them, have been donated. They are not responsible for items left over 30 days . I am in shock and all the sadness and confusion I felt earlier comes pounding down on me, leaving me breathless as I sob my way through town. I am an open wound of "why me!!!!" How is this all happening. My life is not supposed to go this way - who is in charge here!!!!
The whole world sometimes feels as it is falling apart and even as the sun shines outside and the breeze blows I am in a daze of... how did I get here from there?
I ask myself after I allow the emotion to be released all over me, I sit and say "now what?" I am not going to cover up or get rid of this feeling of raw despair, I am going to use it to connect, to pay attention, for I am reponsible for my life. If I am distracted and do not pick up my shoes I lose them.
Somewhere in me I still trust that the Universe is a loving place and there is a God... A Life Force that I can surrender and turn over all the pain and regret to. Today, Now,.... I will not turn my pain on to myself by covering it up or pretending all is fine. I will not put something in my body that will temporarilly erase the feelings. I will cry some more while I sort the laundry, answer emails, call photographers and agents, wrap my daughter's birthday presents and pay some bills. Ever so slowly ever so gently I will love myself by being true to the moment.
I sit and I gently love myself staying small and close to the me that is like a baby sweet and new. I make a cup of tea with honey and say my prayer.....
Today is the day that I begin!
I commit to Myself. I commit to living the highest ideal for the truth and honor in the search for the core of my being.Today I begin with my commitment to be present-one moment at a time.
Today I am aware one moment at a time.
Today the ' I ' that is full of alive,positive energy takes the lead in my life and I let go of my thinking mind that is based in fear and paralyzes me in moving forward in my life.
Today I take this pledge and gently do my best.
Today I am full of love for myself- my body,my heart, my mind.
Today I am joyous.Today I Breakaway and begin anew.
I hold on to - Today I gently do my best.
I am reminded that difficulties are a stepping stone to a greater experience and if I am to create a new life story for myself I must be open and step out of my comfort zone. I feel like running but I will sit with my tea and smile at my heart and my child inside _ "I love you I say, I love you......"
Namaste,
Natalie
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