Here we go ...again.
Over a year ago I made the decision to completely change my relationship with my body by actually losing weight that I had accepted as part of my being, my life, my very identity. Now this acceptance is a good thing - my acceptance of my body was a process that led me to love myself and my imperfect form and imperfect ways. It led me closer to who I am and living my truth. Yet here I was ready to move on to a new phase of living in my life, that needed to fall in line with a rediscovered belief that being present in the now, practicing moment by moment awareness of the ego mind will lead me to peace and happiness and yes dare I say it lose weight!!!
This all started when a year ago a reality show- Celebrity Fit Club(Celebrity Fit Club on VH1) asked me if I would be interested in doing the show. I had to ask myself some hard questions as I was not just a well known plus model (NatalieLaughlin.com) but someone who had recovered from an eating disorder and spoke around the country about finding happiness by accepting and loving yourself in your full figured body.
How could I now go on TV and try to lose weight , would that not betray the very message of self acceptance and love of self, as is, that I spouted. Here's the thing--my life had gone through a major upheaval in the last 8 years and I was no longer the "chubby pretty girl" or the "beautiful plus model with her own billboard in times square" . I am a mother of two children that I gave birth to in my 40's - a boy 7 and a girl 5 and I left my career and life of 20 years living in NYC, jet setting around the world to create a new one in Sarasota, Florida with my infant family. My husband also started a new business. I devoted all my energy to my new role as mother and wife and now seven years in I was ready to discover who I am again .
I decided to say yes to the show not really liking the whole reality based explosive, self indulgent, trashy side . I thought I could somehow elevate the content by focusing on the spiritual side of self and how that element ties into losing weight. I was ready to explore on camera how this would work , or can it work ?? The irony that doing this experiment on television where ones ego is completely in play did cross my mind but I was ready for the challenge. Well after days of physical and emotional testing I was flown to California and even taped part of the show. In my first segment they filmed me meditating, as this was kind of my message - lose weight by focusing inward - as I sat cross legged in a producers house (pretending it was mine) the producer on set asked me to put on makeup in the middle of my meditation - now I laughed at him, knowing full well what he was getting at - model meditating - right -but what did I do ? Stick to my guns and say no......... I picked up the makeup brush and applied blush in the middle of meditation. So I had a lot to learn! Here I was thinking I was going to teach by example. I discovered I was not strong enough in myself and my need to please others over rode standing up for my deep beliefs. The realization that had I been meditating regularly I would have stood my ground and said no was so clear.
Lesson one /note to self- Be /Do/ Have .
That night before the boot camp was to begin I still had not been accepted on the show, my agent was convinced, but I knew that anything is possible and finally I got the call that VH1was making another decision. That's show business !
I can be completely honest with you that I truly felt it was meant to be. I accepted the news as I knew I was being taken care of on another level - The Universe had other plans for me. I was disappointed but was able to separate mentally and emotionally from my disappointment. The moment the negative thoughts came in to my head I looked at them in my mind and was aware, this stopped the crazy voice chatter and I felt calm, ready for what lay ahead. Thank you Eckhart Tolle ( I am a student -a freshman who wants to graduate). I also was not enthused about the prepackaged food diet. I had done that before and I am a fresh food, organic mostly eater.
Fake food only ever worked temporarily for me.
Back to Florida I went, full of enthusiasm that I was going to do this on my own and I did lose weight . I got into better shape and began exploring working as a model again. That adventure is a whole other story but the short of it is I began to work and it took my focus away from my mission . How could I be a plus model and continue to loose weight. My energy was directed from more of a whole perspective as I lost weight, not based on just food and restriction of self but on fulfillment of my spirit. I will explain more about this as I go through the process here in the days ahead, for those who are interested.
This is my experiment and although I know it works, keeping it going as I live my life has proved more challenging.
Now I am excited to share this journey . Today I am 188 pounds my intention is to lose 20 pounds and do it without deprivation or following a specific diet. I will lose this weight by living consciously, practicing moment by moment awareness. I will do this with love of self, seeing and feeling clearly the triumphant outcome and in the process deal with my life in an authentic way finding my authentic voice. Details to come......... Let's have some fun!!!
Namaste,
Natalie
Over a year ago I made the decision to completely change my relationship with my body by actually losing weight that I had accepted as part of my being, my life, my very identity. Now this acceptance is a good thing - my acceptance of my body was a process that led me to love myself and my imperfect form and imperfect ways. It led me closer to who I am and living my truth. Yet here I was ready to move on to a new phase of living in my life, that needed to fall in line with a rediscovered belief that being present in the now, practicing moment by moment awareness of the ego mind will lead me to peace and happiness and yes dare I say it lose weight!!!
This all started when a year ago a reality show- Celebrity Fit Club(Celebrity Fit Club on VH1) asked me if I would be interested in doing the show. I had to ask myself some hard questions as I was not just a well known plus model (NatalieLaughlin.com) but someone who had recovered from an eating disorder and spoke around the country about finding happiness by accepting and loving yourself in your full figured body.
How could I now go on TV and try to lose weight , would that not betray the very message of self acceptance and love of self, as is, that I spouted. Here's the thing--my life had gone through a major upheaval in the last 8 years and I was no longer the "chubby pretty girl" or the "beautiful plus model with her own billboard in times square" . I am a mother of two children that I gave birth to in my 40's - a boy 7 and a girl 5 and I left my career and life of 20 years living in NYC, jet setting around the world to create a new one in Sarasota, Florida with my infant family. My husband also started a new business. I devoted all my energy to my new role as mother and wife and now seven years in I was ready to discover who I am again .
I decided to say yes to the show not really liking the whole reality based explosive, self indulgent, trashy side . I thought I could somehow elevate the content by focusing on the spiritual side of self and how that element ties into losing weight. I was ready to explore on camera how this would work , or can it work ?? The irony that doing this experiment on television where ones ego is completely in play did cross my mind but I was ready for the challenge. Well after days of physical and emotional testing I was flown to California and even taped part of the show. In my first segment they filmed me meditating, as this was kind of my message - lose weight by focusing inward - as I sat cross legged in a producers house (pretending it was mine) the producer on set asked me to put on makeup in the middle of my meditation - now I laughed at him, knowing full well what he was getting at - model meditating - right -but what did I do ? Stick to my guns and say no......... I picked up the makeup brush and applied blush in the middle of meditation. So I had a lot to learn! Here I was thinking I was going to teach by example. I discovered I was not strong enough in myself and my need to please others over rode standing up for my deep beliefs. The realization that had I been meditating regularly I would have stood my ground and said no was so clear.
Lesson one /note to self- Be /Do/ Have .
That night before the boot camp was to begin I still had not been accepted on the show, my agent was convinced, but I knew that anything is possible and finally I got the call that VH1was making another decision. That's show business !
I can be completely honest with you that I truly felt it was meant to be. I accepted the news as I knew I was being taken care of on another level - The Universe had other plans for me. I was disappointed but was able to separate mentally and emotionally from my disappointment. The moment the negative thoughts came in to my head I looked at them in my mind and was aware, this stopped the crazy voice chatter and I felt calm, ready for what lay ahead. Thank you Eckhart Tolle ( I am a student -a freshman who wants to graduate). I also was not enthused about the prepackaged food diet. I had done that before and I am a fresh food, organic mostly eater.
Fake food only ever worked temporarily for me.
Back to Florida I went, full of enthusiasm that I was going to do this on my own and I did lose weight . I got into better shape and began exploring working as a model again. That adventure is a whole other story but the short of it is I began to work and it took my focus away from my mission . How could I be a plus model and continue to loose weight. My energy was directed from more of a whole perspective as I lost weight, not based on just food and restriction of self but on fulfillment of my spirit. I will explain more about this as I go through the process here in the days ahead, for those who are interested.
This is my experiment and although I know it works, keeping it going as I live my life has proved more challenging.
Namaste,
Natalie
