Commitment,Intention,Meditation.......

I awoke this morning with unease in my heart, I cannot put my finger on the feeling yet . I am hoping the day will reveal a lift in my mood or some inspiration that will propel me out of funk into ecstasy (I will also take mild amusement).
This is what I do know now- I must take the next step in my commitment to myself...... I must set an intention that will inspire and guide me and then spend time meditating daily. Even if for 5 to 10 minutes. The TODAY prayer is my daily intention but I must now read it and absorb what that will mean for me today. Getting the kids off for the day launches me into a doing mode as I get out of bed and I am not a morning person!! I must find a way to say my prayer in quiet at some point - Ideally as I wake before I get out of bed and if not commit to this as a must, as if it is air to breathe. For that is my mission to completely commit to myself without fail daily - which means EVERY DAY!!
I learnt very early on while reading one of my self help books that if it is to be it is up to me and that I create my life. Every moment that has happened to me thus far is my responsibility.! Sometimes this is a hard pill to swallow - who wants to be entirely responsible for where you are in your life........
Well first it all starts with my thoughts - "WITH OUR THOUGHTS WE CREATE THE WORLD" I no longer remember who said this but I know it to be true. This is why I have to fully intend my day with thoughts in my head and be diligent in my awareness of any negativity that floats through my mind. This is what I mean by 'Moment by Moment Awareness'.
First comes the commitment - BE DO HAVE -COMMIT , COMMIT - CONSISTENCY IS KEY! I am not so good at consistency - how do I change this about myself . It is the impatience with which our lives are measured in the modern world - 'make a million dollars now , loose 10 lbs in 10 days' it is constantly around us . Things cannot happen fast enough and results must be instant. That must be what I am feeling I have not lost 20 lbs yet in less than a week and I am disappointed in myself - HA! That is it- BE DO HAVE! Be in the moment , can I do it. No instant gratification just plodding along . One of my spiritual teachers once told me that in NYC there are plenty of people trying to be extraordinary and what is truly extraordinary is being ordinary. Make sense ? Finding the courage to be yourself.... to be ordinary you.

My whole life I have compared myself to others and for today I will not do that and be ordinary ME!

Namaste,
Natalie

Acceptance and Reality of Life........

Well I awoke this morning to the reality of my day to day life and how it affects my ability to focus on my task. What task say you ? The one I  told the whole world that I am doing, losing 20 pounds connecting with my spirit by honoring myself. 

Well love, this is my own journey - here is how the day to day goes- It is summer and friends come over with their 2 kids to play in the pool with our 2, while Emily cooks veggie paella on the barbecue and brings all the 'fixins' and wine to go with.... Yummy , I had two helpings!! My dearest friend has her 40th birthday party Saturday at a restaurant /nightclub and then it is Father's Day barbecue at home. Food and libations galore and yes I did partake in both. There was a certain amount of awareness but after a magnum of champagne.... will I lose any weight at this rate? And, when have I focused /connected with my spirit ? There is a silver lining as the one promise I made to myself last week I did follow through on- Yoga on Friday . Ohh... so good and as I was in my downward dog I notice my arms; my bubbly arms and had to breathe and accept them again ( for the thousandth time). Acceptance  of my current body is so important -any evidence of self hatred must be loved away!! If I am in judgement of self I am not present and my ego mind will take me down a path that I like to call "a time waster/no mans land" It serves no purpose than to remind me to get present and breathe.

So here is how I accept my current body-
Naked in front of the mirror I look and check out every inch front to back . Notice the feelings of disgust and maybe some of appreciation . The appreciation is your acceptance . If I am really having trouble with accepting my body as I see it now I sit still close my eyes and in my mind I infuse every part, every inch , every molecule with white light and allow myself to feel gratitude for myself. Appreciation of self is so important and sometimes to get connected I light my favourite Nag Champa incense or a candle fragrance I love. I also have this patchouli spray from Lolablue that just brings be back to a centered place. This exercise for me serves two purposes- to become present with my feelings and to connect to my higher self, for the moment  I can feel gratitude I know I can engage the part of me that is real,alive and full of love. Obviously in Yoga class I do not do this entire exercise but I quickly acknowledge how I feel and just say yes this is me bubbly arms and and I am grateful for you bubbly arms! I even smile at them.
                             

The moment I accept

myself the way I am,

all burdens simply disappear. 

retouched model photo

early morning no makeup unretouched family photo

Now I have been doing this for a long time and I also have some external help as being a plus model there is an acknowledgement/reward that I recieve over the years through my job, but even getting paid as a full figured model I still worked to keep weight off.  My weight has followed me my whole life, since I was a baby!! The story is so old I am bored to even go into it, but alas one can change their story I have heard and I shall change mine.

Change your story to the one you want. Let me know your tricks! 
One of greatest lessons in my life is that we have to all find our own way whatever we do but sharing of self reminds me we are all the same.

Namaste.

Natalie